So, here I sit, listening to Counting Crows and writing you. I promised a blog update a couple of months ago and since I have been rather melancholy of late, here you are.
It’s been an exciting and somewhat ridiculous time since the beginning of September 2013. First off, I get accepted into BSSM in a flurry of heightened activity and triumphs; the word of God was that He would pay for it. Since I wasn’t working, it would be interesting to see how He would pay for our monthly needs plus BSSM tuition. Oh, and in September we found out we were having a baby. We were rocking along until sometime in October when our direction got altered a bit; get a job was the word no matter if I stay in BSSM or not. We decided to obey and I started looking for work and attending BSSM. That proved fraught with difficulty since the BSSM schedule is not conducive to school, family, work and life at the same time. I looked and applied and pursued anything I could find that seemed like was a good fit. Nothing happened but we were still obedient, remembering the lessons of our engagement that obedience is better than sacrifice. At one point in October, we didn’t have any money for food or rent and a good friend took up the cause and gathered donations for us. We had so much food donated to us that we didnt’ HAVE TO go grocery shopping for almost 3 weeks. This was the life of faith that we were living.
November rolls around and the money stopped flowing in, the job hunt was still on but only a few interviews were to be had. Nothing was bearing fruit. It was becoming harder and harder to go to school every day, knowing my family wasn’t being taken care of and I was in a school that, for all intents and purposes was, for me, about the Revival Group more than the books or teaching or anything that could be gained in the “corporate” setting. Then, finally, when we could take no more we put out a “final ultimatum” with Papa God, that if He wanted me to continue on with BSSM that He would have to provide by a certain Sunday night. We had been several weeks behind on rent and our bills every month since August and it kept getting tighter. Sunday night came and went with no money coming in, no new word from Papa and our requirements met. Sunday night, I informed my Revival Group Pastor and a few close friends what was happening and that Monday morning’s RG meeting would be my last.
With a really heavy heart (and with tears in my eyes right now), I went to that meeting and got the best send-off of my life to date. I have left many jobs, organizations and homes in my very short life but that send-off was the best. I really miss those guys and gals even though I get to see them from time to time. They rocked my world with prophetic words, encouragement, tears and even a bit of cash. They are so very generous and hold a very special place in my heart. I have thought about God’s promise to pay for BSSM a lot and have come to the conclusion that Papa God didn’t lie. He did pay for BSSM, but He never told me how long I would stay. I am very thankful for the experience, knowing that I could actually do well there and hang with those amazing students. I am thankful seeing what it is and learning what learned. There was so much I gleaned that I have journaled about and would love to talk with you about, if you are really wondering.
And so, I withdrew from class and got a refund of my tuition which, par for course, was enough to cover our expenses for November and even some for the first part of December.
At this point, I really have to thank my parents and especially my Korean mother. Her generosity and help during this whole time has been such a boon to my spirits and helped keep my hope alive. Thank you, Cho Cobb. I want to be a lot like you when I grow up. As part of this whole process, we finally applied for government assistance in November and got approved for food stamps in December. In December, several friends awarded me paid computer work which helped pay bills and rent along with money that was originally set apart by donators as Christmas gift money. That part was tough on Cherie since we haven’t been able to make it back to Virginia since we’ve been married, for Christmas or any other occasion. We haven’t been able to make it back to Texas since we moved to Redding for that matter. Anyways, gifts, decorations and snow really help Cherie feel like she is having Christmas and this one was rougher than when we lived in Cottonwood I think. We did get to have a Christmas celebration though, and it all worked out as well in the end. In December, I didn’t get the job(s) I thought I would and that was a blow to my self-confidence and direction.
The last part of 2013 was a doozy and I realize that I have my long-time request from God; that we would “get” to follow Him and let Him provide for us. Psalm 91 would be our lifestyle. Of course, I had no idea what that would look like. Each month, we have been taken care of by God through people, selling items, random work, and more. The help from peopl was the most aggravating and surprising part for us. We don’t like asking people for help and we really don’t like being on government assistance. I, especially, do not like not having control or know where provision is coming from or when. I know that I am always surprised and feel awkward when people help us out as I don’t know how to receive gifts very well. My biggest disappointment so far is the lack of “purely supernatural” assistance that I have heard so many stories about. I can’t tell you how many testimonies I have heard of gold teeth being given, gems and cash materiaizing out of thin air, debts being paid off, houses being given, bank accounts being filled up and more. Having these supernatural occurences happen are still a dream of mine.
So, here we are in January of 2014. I was awarded a contract for some IT work on the 2nd day of the year and I can see some light in the distance in that arena but am still applying for jobs. Cherie is pursuing some opportunities so she can get out of the house more and be her extrovert self. Eventually this year as we are planning, Savannah will be in some form of day-care/pre-school so she can socialize, we can work and everyone can grow past this season.
It’s been a rough month for my emotions and hope but Cherie is doing well. However, it’s been solidified more and more that Who we are following is more important than our circumstances. We cannot follow jobs, money, churches, movements, family, friends or anything/anyone other than the One who holds our affections and hearts. Jesus is the one who laid it all down for us and we will do what it takes to follow Him. Our current afflictions pale in comparison to the afflictions of others but relative to us, this feels a lot like dying daily so that we can follow Him. He holds the keys to our hearts and if we ever want to glorify Him by being fully alive, we must follow Him. He is The Way, The Truth and our Life. He is the Light of the World shining through us. For us to shine without hindrance, we must throw off that sin that so easily entangles, self-seeking, to run our race and finish well. If He returns before our race is finished in our eyes then at least He will find us.
Our course is set, our Pilot is in charge and no matter how much sense it makes to the patterns of this world, we will go as long as He is with us and for us.