Quick thought on decisions

The absence of uncomfortable emotions is not peace. Don’t make decisions based on what doesn’t feel right. Rather, push through the uncomfortable and figure out the why and come up with a solution. Make positive decisions based on discernment, wisdom, sound judgement, and most importantly, conversation with Holy Spirit.

Don’t be like an ox that has to be led by the nose. Be a king/queen of the Kingdom and make decisions based on more than just a gut feel. If you don’t, you will have to rationalize the results later. Be in conversation with Holy Spirit and don’t just decide by what you feel may not be right. He is more interested in you understanding the why than He is in telling you not to do something all the time. It’s a factor of maturity.

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It is my opinion that, “God works in mysterious ways” and the various ramifications of that thought, is one of the biggest lies one can believe. Scripture tells us that the “mystery of God” is Christ revealed. Don’t attribute evil things to God as “God’s mysterious ways.” Jesus Christ is the revealed nature AND will of the Father, the exact representation of Daddy God. There is no mystery here and the Good News (Gospel) is that God is good and in Him is no darkness (or evil) at all.

I believe that while God redeems the crap that goes on in our lives, He still hates that it is there. If we really knew how much we effect we have on everything around us, we would blame less, pray more (and more directed) and have more manifested peace. It would be a different world if we really get how much God put us in charge of and how that really works.

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The Promised Update

So, here I sit, listening to Counting Crows and writing you. I promised a blog update a couple of months ago and since I have been rather melancholy of late, here you are.

It’s been an exciting and somewhat ridiculous time since the beginning of September 2013. First off, I get accepted into BSSM in a flurry of heightened activity and triumphs; the word of God was that He would pay for it. Since I wasn’t working, it would be interesting to see how He would pay for our monthly needs plus BSSM tuition. Oh, and in September we found out we were having a baby.  We were rocking along until sometime in October when our direction got altered a bit; get a job was the word no matter if I stay in BSSM or not. We decided to obey and I started looking for work and attending BSSM. That proved fraught with difficulty since the BSSM schedule is not conducive to school, family, work and life at the same time. I looked and applied and pursued anything I could find that seemed like was a good fit. Nothing happened but we were still obedient, remembering the lessons of our engagement that obedience is better than sacrifice. At one point in October, we didn’t have any money for food or rent and a good friend took up the cause and gathered donations for us. We had so much food donated to us that we didnt’ HAVE TO go grocery shopping for almost 3 weeks. This was the life of faith that we were living.

November rolls around and the money stopped flowing in, the job hunt was still on but only a few interviews were to be had. Nothing was bearing fruit. It was becoming harder and harder to go to school every day, knowing my family wasn’t being taken care of and I was in a school that, for all intents and purposes was, for me, about the Revival Group more than the books or teaching or anything that could be gained in the “corporate” setting. Then, finally, when we could take no more we put out a “final ultimatum” with Papa God, that if He wanted me to continue on with BSSM that He would have to provide by a certain Sunday night. We had been several weeks behind on rent and our bills every month since August and it kept getting tighter. Sunday night came and went with no money coming in, no new word from Papa and our requirements met. Sunday night, I informed my Revival Group Pastor and a few close friends what was happening and that Monday morning’s RG meeting would be my last.

With a really heavy heart (and with tears in my eyes right now), I went to that meeting and got the best send-off of my life to date. I have left many jobs, organizations and homes in my very short life but that send-off was the best. I really miss those guys and gals even though I get to see them from time to time. They rocked my world with prophetic words, encouragement, tears and even a bit of cash. They are so very generous and hold a very special place in my heart.  I have thought about God’s promise to pay for BSSM a lot and have come to the conclusion that Papa God didn’t lie. He did pay for BSSM, but He never told me how long I would stay. I am very thankful for the experience, knowing that I could actually do well there and hang with those amazing students. I am thankful seeing what it is and learning what learned. There was so much I gleaned that I have journaled about and would love to talk with you about, if you are really wondering.

And so, I withdrew from class and got a refund of my tuition which, par for course, was enough to cover our expenses for November and even some for the first part of December.

At this point, I really have to thank my parents and especially my Korean mother. Her generosity and help during this whole time has been such a boon to my spirits and helped keep my hope alive. Thank you, Cho Cobb. I want to be a lot like you when I grow up. As part of this whole process, we finally applied for government assistance in November and got approved for food stamps in December. In December, several friends awarded me paid computer work which helped pay bills and rent along with money that was originally set apart by donators as Christmas gift money. That part was tough on Cherie since we haven’t been able to make it back to Virginia since we’ve been married, for Christmas or any other occasion.  We haven’t been able to make it back to Texas since we moved to Redding for that matter. Anyways, gifts, decorations and snow really help Cherie feel like she is having Christmas and this one was rougher than when we lived in Cottonwood I think. We did get to have a Christmas celebration though, and it all worked out as well in the end. In December, I didn’t get the job(s) I thought I would and that was a blow to my self-confidence and direction.

The last part of 2013 was a doozy and I realize that I have my long-time request from God; that we would “get” to follow Him and let Him provide for us. Psalm 91 would be our lifestyle. Of course, I had no idea what that would look like. Each month, we have been taken care of by God through people, selling items, random work, and more. The help from peopl was the most aggravating and surprising part for us. We don’t like asking people for help and we really don’t like being on government assistance. I, especially, do not like not having control or know where provision is coming from or when. I know that I am always surprised and feel awkward when people help us out as I don’t know how to receive gifts very well. My biggest disappointment so far is the lack of “purely supernatural” assistance that I have heard so many stories about. I can’t tell you how many testimonies I have heard of gold teeth being given, gems and cash materiaizing out of thin air, debts being paid off, houses being given, bank accounts being filled up and more. Having these supernatural occurences happen are still a dream of mine.

So, here we are in January of 2014. I was awarded a contract for some IT work on the 2nd day of the year and I can see some light in the distance in that arena but am still applying for jobs. Cherie is pursuing some opportunities so she can get out of the house more and be her extrovert self. Eventually this year as we are planning, Savannah will be in some form of day-care/pre-school so she can socialize, we can work and everyone can grow past this season.

It’s been a rough month for my emotions and hope but Cherie is doing well. However, it’s been solidified more and more that Who we are following is more important than our circumstances. We cannot follow jobs, money, churches, movements, family, friends or anything/anyone other than the One who holds our affections and hearts. Jesus is the one who laid it all down for us and we will do what it takes to follow Him. Our current afflictions pale in comparison to the afflictions of others but relative to us, this feels a lot like dying daily so that we can follow Him. He holds the keys to our hearts and if we ever want to glorify Him by being fully alive, we must follow Him. He is The Way, The Truth and our Life. He is the Light of the World shining through us. For us to shine without hindrance, we must throw off that sin that so easily entangles, self-seeking, to run our race and finish well. If He returns before our race is finished in our eyes then at least He will find us.

Our course is set, our Pilot is in charge and no matter how much sense it makes to the patterns of this world, we will go as long as He is with us and for us.

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Damn the torpedoes!

We’re at the Jordan River, waiting to cross over into the Promised Land. The spies have returned and told us there was opposition; giants they said. I look back at the 400 years my family was enslaved In Egypt and all God has done to bring us here. I look at the size and quantity of the fruit the spies brought back. Joshua and Caleb, they believe. My family is the least in the tribe and our only weapon is joy.

I look at the Jordan and the crossing in flood season is scary.

Damn the Jordan.

Damn the giants.

Forget those who won’t go with us.

Cast off those who would stop us.

I don’t care if the whole of Christendom turns away in fear. As for me and my house, we are following Jesus.

We may starve, we may die, but we will more likely prevail. Giants are big but my God is bigger.

We’re going in, we’re crossing over. Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

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What a day!

What a whirlwind day for us!

Today was registration day for BSSM 1st year. When I first woke up, we had almost no money (less than $1) in our accounts and soon we will be going to bed with even less. Yet, we had $1500 flow through our hands as if it wasn’t ours because in truth, it wasn’t. A few days ago I helped some friends with a task and they blessed us with $200. The first thing I thought after thanking Papa God was what Patricia King says, “If it’s too small for the need, then it’s seed.” When you are trusting God for EVERYTHING then it’s just a bit easier to not hold on tightly to what is His anyway.

Today, I woke up and checked my e-mail as I often do and I had an e-mail from Craigslist from someone interested in buying our Blazer. We have been trying in VAIN to sell it for at least 3 weeks and we had not had ANY serious offers. Today, by the time I left the house for registration, we had 3 buyers lined up all with cash and wanting to come see the Blazer today and tomorrow. Then I went to registration.

After going through the process, I met with my Revival Group Pastor, Ben Armstrong and he handed me a card. This card was a prophetic word from someone in his revival group from last year. On the envelope was a drawing of me.



Here is the photo that Ben and team compared it to.



Before I had even quit my job at the paper and before I ever even thought about going to BSSM, God knew where He was going to send me and that He was going to provide for it. WOW! I mean really, WOW!

Then I left the Civic to go meet a friend and after receiving a LARGE amount of food stored in his garage from another friend, he handed me a check for $300. WAY more than I had ever expected to receive. So, I drove home thanking God because with the sale of the Blazer, that gave us $1500 for rent and all of our other expenses for the month. I was excited. I was tasting the Outback lunch we had talked about celebrating with. I was seeing my wife’s new sneakers. I was seeing the house Papa God started talking to me about. Then I texted a friend to see if he had made it into 1st year.

As it turned out, he needed $1500 today to get into school. Then Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “I have $1500.” Well, shit… that $1500 wasn’t ours to use; it was seed to sow. As I drove home and wrestled with it, He told me He would give us $3000 if we would invest the $1500. I got home and told Cherie what had happened and we couldn’t deny the leading of our best friend, Holy Spirit. We invested the money. I wrote a check and then the Blazer sold for $900. I gave $20 for another friend to get gas. I helped a lady I met this morning get a bed so she didn’t have to sleep on the floor. Why would we do all this? Love. We love not our own lives, even unto death (if that’s what it takes) for the sake of the One who paid for it all. We have freely received so when He tells us to, we freely give.

So, what’s the moral of the story? Follow Jesus (seek His kingdom), no matter the personal cost and tell the story later of Him doing what He loves to do (provide).

Now we get to rest and wait on Papa to do what He said He would do and do what His nature is and provide again. What a day!  🙂

Today we got to be a blessing to more than we expected. Today was a good day.

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So, I realized that I haven’t updated y’all about what God has been doing!

OK, first thing, do you remember the dream I posted about?

Well, the night after I had the dream, we were given $20 by a friend for some help we gave her. $20 was the first amount I picked up in the dream.

A few weeks ago, the day before I was to go on a ministry trip with some friends, I was filling out a recommendation for a friend to go to BSSM 1st year. As I was filling it out, I kept hearing with my spirit, “Apply, apply, apply, apply…”  So, I talked to my wife and we felt OK about it and I applied to BSSM during late registration. I felt like God said He would pay for it if I applied. I put a feeler out on Facebook and that night I had a friend donate to my tuition that I never expected to do so. Talk about being and feeling honored…

BSSM costs $4400 and as you know, we have no predictable income. I applied 2.5 weeks before the semester started. I got my recommendation letters back in short order and I passed my interview with no issues. I was accepted less than a week after applying. Great! We still couldn’t pay for it.

We also couldn’t pay for rent for September just yet. So, I set out to sell my bagpipes which I hadn’t played in years and were collecting dust. I messaged a few friends and quickly, I was put in touch with a buyer. We worked out a price and some details to cross-ship the payment and the pipes. We also didn’t have money to pay up-front for shipping… Hmmm… I had been trying to sell a microphone for years with no luck. So, I listed it on EBay before I ever sold the bagpipes and it sold within 1 hour.

Before I ever needed the money to ship the bagpipes, I had it in the form on something I haven’t been able to sell for years. So, I shipped the bagpipes and then received the check. Well, I was going to use it for rent but then I got a call from a close relative and apparently God told them to give me $1000 for BSSM. Well, crap… That meant that the money for the bagpipes and the donation from the relative now equaled EXACTLY what I needed to start BSSM.

God said He would take care of the tuition and He is doing just that. He who said He would provide for our needs and wants and desires before I ever quit my job to follow Him, is doing EXACTLY as He said He would.

Just because the money isn’t manifesting the way I think it should and in the timing that I think it should, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Today, I am making bread because He told me that’s how our current provision needed to be activated. OK!

Thank you Papa God for being Faithful and our Provider. Help us partner with you in whatever You are doing because that’s a LOT easier than doing it our own ways.

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Who He is.

So, I am no Hebrew scholar, nor am I very interested in being one. However, Holy Spirit was talking to me this morning about His names in Hebrew and in Jewish tradition. It seems interesting to me that we hold “truths” about God to be very evident but that these “truths” often fly in the face of His many names.

In the season we are currently in, provision is a bigger faith issue as we are not working jobs for money. So, why, in the midst of seasons like this, do we question God’s ability and desire to provide for us? One of His attributes, or names, is “Provider.” This is not something you have to believe in for it to be true. He is Provider and has already provided for your current situation whether you realize it or not.

Blake Healy, in his book, The Veil, mentions this when he writes:

“I know that God is good. If nothing else seeing has taught me that. Everywhere I go piles of his provision lay unclaimed in the streets. These manifest as fountains of joy, windows to revelation, or deep veins of inspiration. These blessings fill the earth…  I walk into churches and see mountains of financial provision piled next to those in need.” (p. 103)

So, it is double-minded of us to confess one way about God with our mouths (his names) but confess differently in the depths of our hearts. This is what Jesus called unbelief. We have so many scriptures that tell us that He has ALREADY given us all that we need for life and godliness, rains on the wicked and righteous alike, etc… And then since we don’t believe in our hearts, it never manifests from the spiritual realm (just as real) to the natural, and so we make that verse apply only to “spiritual” matters. All over the scriptures we see that God is a provider, and not just of need but also of wants.

When do we have double-mindedness? When we say God is our Provider but we MUST work a job to get the provision. (I am not against jobs for money) How about when we say that God is our Healer but only through doctors or only through medicine? The problem here is that we want to choose the methods but Scriptures say He is the many-breasted one (El-Shaddai) which implies not only abundance in depth but also abundance in methods and means. 

We can no longer afford (pun intended) to have unbelief in ANY area of our lives when it comes to who God is and who HE said he is. We can no longer afford to doubt His goodness because that doubt produces unbelief.

By the way, if you are doubting His goodness by quoting scriptures of Old Testament that He is wrathful, etc… you are missing the point that He was NEVER called Shiva (the Destroyer).

I leave you with some references for His names and attributes which you SHOULD believe because these are also the attributes that Jesus Himself (the very image of the Father) mirrored when on the earth.

I could find none of these that are anything BUT positive so go on, believe in Him, the Good God.



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