So, I screwed up today and I am very thankful that the damage wasn’t long-term or serious. Or, at least as far as I can tell. I was roughhousing with one of my nephews and it didn’t end in the way I thought it might. He got hurt and no one was particularly pleased. What hit me, apart from my own mental slap of myself, I had the thought that, “It would be better if I had just gone in to work today:. I stayed home in order to not risk my life on snowy roads and I am now fine with that decision. What I don’t like is the fact that I still seem to view work as a refuge from the rest of life.
I really don’t like that I find home a refuge from work and when things get rough at other places, work a refuge from those places and situations. How is that a healthy way to live? I think part of it is due to my heart just being raw and my “skin” being tender from years of being beaten up emotionally by myself and others. I am still not good at wearing my full armor or having a thick skin to protect my shape.
What I’m getting at is this: my refuge should be no place other than Christ and Him crucified. In Him, I am in complete unity with the One who holds the whole universe in His hands. How much safer could I be? While, in reality I am already in that Place, I don’t always live like it. I take many things too personally or not personal enough. I take on responsibilities that were shouldered by Him on the cross.
I live life as if He isn’t the keeper and sustainer of me. How ridiculous is that?