So, where was I?
Oh, yes, this photo describes how I felt after the leaving the City fiasco.
I had dug myself into a hole and couldn’t really find a way to get back out without someone pulling me up. I hated that; heck, I still hate that. I felt stuck and hopeless. If you’ve ever felt that way, you know how debilitating that can be.
Well, there I was, making a good amount of money, eating crow, exhausted and burned out from the fighting and everything that went with it. 2009 rolls around and I am still going about my day and doing my thing with far less energy and enthusiasm than before. Prophetic encouragement after prophetic encouragement helped but I am still done and wondering what to do with my life. I am in no way fulfilled with my work. I had 2 degrees and had set myself a career goal of running my own IT department in a small to medium sized business but could find no way of making that happen if God wanted me to stay at the City.
In 2009 and 2010, after meeting and marrying my wife (you can read that story here: Part 1 & Part 2), I went through burn out yet again. This time it manifested in me getting ultra-lackadaisical at work and almost getting fired. That was enough of a wake-up call to go into counseling. After being put on leave for a couple months to recover, I went back to work and things really hadn’t changed; I wanted out of IT or at least IT as I knew it.
At the end of November 2010, with much wise counsel from my beautiful wife, my phenomenal counselor, and the best Counselor, Holy Spirit, I finally quit my job of almost 7 years with the City. I was cut loose and adrift and I had no idea what to do next. I toyed with consulting, finding another IT job, or just doing something different like becoming a chef. Watching Gordon Ramsay shows had a lot to do with that last one. I went to a career counselor and came away with very little in the way of concrete direction and not much peace. Again, I felt stuck.
My beautiful Cherie and I finally decided we may just need to get out of the place I had been all my life and go adventuring. We visited Redding, California and Bethel Church and decided to move. We received prophetic confirmation within an hour of making the decision. So, we became residents of Redding on April 1, 2011.
We got here and had no jobs, and lived in Cottonwood which is 15 miles south of Redding. We now resided in an old house that used to house dam workers and it was every inch as not so much fun as it sounds. It was sweltering in summer, freezing in winter and stank due to various reasons depending on the day. So, jobless, money running out and the only thing we had to go on were prophetic words that God had jobs for us waiting when we got here. After about a month of failed interviews and quickly waning hope, we decided to go to the dollar theater in Redding.
Off we drove to find the hard to find little theater and of course, took a wrong turn down the wrong street. Driving past an office building, I caught the name of a company on the sign and did a double-take. My spirit instantly came to attention and as we later sat in the Jack in the Box waiting for the movie to begin, I looked up the company on my phone. I was immediately excited and couldn’t stop thinking about submitting my resume as soon as I got home; in fact, I could barely put it from my mind.
So, later that week I was walking out of a different interview when I got a call about going to the office sometime soon to talk. I immediately offered up that I was in the area and would gladly be there in a few minutes. I showed up and was immediately accosted by happy people and the office manager wanting to talk to me after I was finished with the technical support manager. In order to shorten this story a bit, I was set up by God and I got hired on as a contractor within 2 days. That really doesn’t happen walking in off the street in Redding. Then, within 2 weeks, I was offered a full-time position and that REALLY doesn’t happen in Redding. I just “happened” to drive by one of the businesses in Redding run by Bethel people and filled an immediate need. God’s word, once again, was good that He had a job waiting for me in Redding.
In a couple months, Cherie also got a job and then after a couple months we felt strongly led by Holy Spirit for her to quit her job. We were very excited because Cherie would finally get to explore who she was and what she wanted to do. Then, following my heart’s incredibly, unknowingly deep desire to be a father, we got pregnant. Yay. Yet another financial burden. I then took a 3:00AM shift to get the extra pay as the position paid enough but I had never been paid so little in my full-time IT career.
Boy, that was so much fun… I had to get up in the middle of the night when it was freezing cold and answer the very occasional phone call or support ticket. The plus side was that I got to be at home 3 days out of the week and could get my work finished quickly and be with my family during the day. I knew, however, this wouldn’t last long and the position I was working was not for me. In December of that year, 2011, I went to Minneapolis for a trade show and the guy I was working with was amazingly prophetic and was a BSSM alumnist. He prophesied that I would be promoted within 6 months and told me the job title.
Almost 6 months later…
I am fed up with my job and it is obvious it won’t be getting any better. I have applied at several positions with that prophetic word in mind. Nothing… Then, suddenly, the position that I am only 75% qualified pops up and I apply. I interview with full confidence that it is mine. I got the job. I got the job with a major increase in pay but still less than what I had topped out at with the City. I got the job within a few days of the 6 month mark of the prophetic word’s timing. Did you catch that? 6 months, almost to the day.
It was great timing too since our little girl had just been born and we were up to our eyeballs in debt and new expenses for said Beautiful Baby Girl. So, I started my new job and yes, it was exactly what I had been looking for when I left the City the first time. It was my career goal and a few years earlier than I expected it. I was blissful and working hard and enjoying the learning and growing.
Then, it happened. I had the realization that I wouldn’t be at this new job for very long; no more than a year.
You gave me advance knowledge of giving me this job 6 months early. You provided for us in a major way and it came with some nice perks. We now lived 1.1 miles away from my job and we were finally able to pay off some debts and increase our standard of living a bit. We could finally see light at the end of the tunnel for some years old problems and burdens. We were finally going to slowly get ahead.
And then I began to see what a small vision I had cast for myself. This new job, the one I had set for myself and asked Papa God for years ago and that He gave me, was too small. I was going to get bored again. I couldn’t work more to make more. I was a cog in a machine that wasn’t doing what I was made for. I was stuck.
So, finally, in April of this year, we decided to unstuck me. For years I had been reading Psalm 91 and been bothered by the opening verses. “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” I would read that and ask Papa, “How do I make you my shelter? I want to rest in your shadow but don’t know how to do that.” He would respond saying, “Quit your job.” I automatically dismissed that answer because, how could it be God? Doesn’t He want me to work and earn money for my family?
I wrestled with it over and over again and finally, Cherie and I were in unity on it and made the decision. There were a few other factors involved, some minor and some very major. One deciding factor is that Papa had been speaking to me about getting my physical health squared away and making it a priority. That is something that is very difficult to do if one is in a soul-sucking job, coming home to a family that needs you and not being able to muster up the energy to put into the health efforts required. I just didn’t have the energy nor would I give up the family time now for future health. In all honestly, the family and friend time was just about all that was getting me through my days and weeks as an IT Manager.
Another factor in going down this path was, in my mind, far more of a problem for me. I was 1.1 miles away from my family for 8+ hours a day, 5+ days a week. I was watching my daughter grow up on Facebook. I had the revelation about a dream I had 10+ years ago that going down the world’s career path was going to make my wife a widow and my daughter an orphan because I would rarely be there for or with them physically or emotionally. That, was unacceptable.
There was only one path that, as a family, and with God, we could see that would be the answer in this season for us; to quit my job and not look for another. That’s what we have done and are now doing. I am not looking for a job. Papa God has told me time and again since we have started this, that He has something He is bringing me to do. He has a future and a plan that has nothing to do with the career path I took when aborting the dreams I had.
I feel like I am starting to see some glimpses of light now and am starting to understand how He originally bent me. I am finally feeling like I am very close to being fully unbent from my upbringing and choices and am about to be rebent into the correct shape. I am so close to finding out who He made me to be and what He has made me to do. I am so close to finding out in what ways our hearts beat in rhythm.
So, we are now doing what I have always wanted to do. I have always wanted to see Papa God as my provider and see if He is still supernaturally providing apart from my own efforts. I am finally going to get to see if what I have always suspected is true, that faith for money and provision is really the least in the Kingdom. After all, how can I really have the same faith that Jesus had and do greater works than He did if I don’t even believe that the Father is really going to provide food for my family or a place to stay? Am I really going to believe God for basic miracles like healing the sick or raising the dead if I don’t believe Him for foundational life issues like my wife and kids being clothed and fed? For me, the answer is no, I can’t. This is a foundational issue for me. Either He is good and able and willing or He is a liar and very small.
I am voracious to hear testimonies about supernatural provision, money signs and wonders, and anything else like it. Either Jesus broke the curse completely or we’re screwed.
We’ve pushed all-in.