This is my baby girl, Savannah, and she is beautiful. This photo of her from about a month ago exemplifies kinda how I’ve felt about the career I have been in and where I have been in life for about 5 years now. I have been tired, cranky and just wanting to lay down but not really wanting to do so because that would admit defeat or some such nonsense.
Well, now I am pleasantly unemployed. I quit what I hope was my last and final Information Technology job at the end of June and now we are floating. To be accurate, I put in my notice of resignation in early April, effective June 28, 2013, for several reasons that really don’t matter to this story.
Revised Standard Version (RSV)
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.
This is what we’re moving into and this is what I have been wanting for some time. I have been so tired and God has been talking to me about learning to rest for so long. Now, it’s time. More on this later.
How did we get here?
That, my friends, is a long story which I will attempt to shorten. It began for me in early on in college. I was in the Computer Science and Engineering program at the University of Texas at Arlington and I was a proud kid. I was so proud that I thought I was a mathematician and was taking Honors Calculus in my freshman year. I was so proud that I thought I could hack it on my own. I was so proud that I never asked for help. I was also quite unaware that Holy Spirit was available for help in such matters. I enjoyed the Computer portion of CSE, but the math was kicking my butt. Then I took Calculus II and it was all over for me. I dropped out of the CSE program and went into Information Systems which is a Business degree. I had almost all of the math credits for this already and I loved computers; it was a win-win.
I finally ended up graduating with a horrific GPA for a proud half-Korean kid who thought he was smarter than this. Then, for 7 months, I applied for job after job after job. I was working as a 15 hour per week IT Assistant for the Kimbell Art Museum in Fort Worth, Texas and there was nothing to do. So, for 15 hours between Monday and Tuesday each week, I would look for and apply for jobs, surf the Internet, read fanfiction and take long walks where I would cry out for God to do something with me or just kill me. Then I would go home and for the rest of the week, look for and apply for jobs, interview for jobs and play computer games; generally be bored out of my skull.
Then, it finally happened; I interviewed with the City of Southlake, TX and got the job! I was ecstatic and started the week of Christmas. I basically got to play with computers all day and got paid REALLY well for a 23 year old kid who still lived with his parents. It was heavenly and for a few years, life was grand. I ended up buying a house and had some friends move in. I did life for a few years and lived it up, playing games, eating wings and generally enjoying things.
Then in 2005, I felt a push from Papa God to go back to school and I started the MBA program online with LeTourneau University. The next 2 years were filled with nothing but me working 40+ hours per week, doing my schoolwork and generally staying ultra busy. The schoolwork just “happened” to coincide with real-life applications for just about every single class I was taking at the time. God had me busily learning theory and application for 2 years and my worldview was rapidly and happily expanding. I was thoroughly happy (for the most part) in the learning and growing. Then, then, I graduated.
I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was stuck in a job that wasn’t going to get any bigger than a glorified computer technician. So, in 2008, I began job-hunting, just months short of my 5-year vesting mark at the City. I was looking for something to do with my degrees, which I felt, and rightly so, weren’t being used. In June of 2008, I finally found something and put in my 2 week notice. Throughout all of this, I was the driving factor and the week before I was set to leave, I was sitting in my office and Holy Spirit very clearly spoke to me and said, “If you will stay, I will bless you.” My response was, “Nah, that can’t be God,” because it isn’t what I was driving and pushing to do.
So, I left the City and my life became a living hell of anxiety, worry, depression, hives, stress to the point of falling asleep while driving and a horrible contract job. After the first day, I began hearing Holy Spirit tell me to quit and go back to the City. After all, I had negotiated that “amazing” $33/hour contract job with no benefits of any kind and I wasn’t giving it up!
After 5 weeks of hell, I gave it up. Of course, I didn’t give up completely. Over the next 2 weeks I went through much of the same except without pay until finally I really gave up and asked God to give me a job at the City and it didn’t matter which. 3 days later my old boss called me and offered me my job back. Within 6 weeks of starting back, I received a promotion and a pay increase of $15,000 per year. True to His promise, if I stayed, He would bless me. In spite of myself, He blessed me anyway. He pursued me to bless me.
But wait, there’s more…